Break Through Your Threshold: Just Say No
By Jai Maa
Just say no: Your body’s reaction to a request is key.
I used to be the “yes” person. I said yes to anyone who asked for my time and energy for the temporary feeling of being valued and loved. I had many friends who absolutely loved me because I said yes to every request, every time, never considering how I felt or what I even wanted. I ran all day long doing, doing, doing, while feeling exhausted, wired on caffeine, and forgetting to eat. At the end of the day, I was left with that same empty hole inside of me that I tried so desperately to fill with the approval of others.
One morning while creating my to-do list, I noticed my entire list was filled with doing things for others, and absolutely none of my tasks had anything to do with me or my dreams. What were my dreams? I was so disconnected that I didn’t know. I had some serious self-saving to do.
The crazy thing was, the minute I found the courage to start saying “no,” my so-called hundreds of friends turned into about five over night. Some who used to call me their “best friend” were now behaving like my enemies the moment I began setting boundaries.
After getting over the initial shock of being rejected for respecting myself, I released those energy drains from my life and started nurturing the few, valuable win/win relationships that truly uplifted me.
Listening to my body’s wisdom became easier every time I just said “no.” If my body opened up with joy, then that was my “yes.” When my body clenched and felt heavy, that was my “no.” No matter what my monkey mind (a Buddhist concept meaning unsettled) had to say about any situation, I respected myself, even if it angered the ones I loved. My vitality came back, what I wanted out of life became clear again, and for the first time ever, I felt at peace.
Do you respect your body’s “no”? Your mind’s programmed intelligence and body’s natural wisdom may not always be on the same page. For example, your body clinches and feels heavy when a request has been made of you (that is your “no”), but your mind rattles off fear-based reasons to give your power away:
They will be mad at me. They will think I don’t love them when I really do. What if they do something to retaliate and hurt me? What if they stop loving me or being my friend?
And voilà, the fear of being rejected has now sunk its jaws of death into you, and being approved of becomes more important than loving and respecting yourself. You’re going to have to ask yourself, “What is more important to me? Looking bad for a quick moment or giving my power away and depleting myself?”
Start trusting your body’s intelligence and “just say no!” You’ll notice very quickly how many people are truly your friends and love you for you, and how many were just using you for their own agenda.
Enlightenment Challenge: Next time a request is made of you and you are unsure of your body’s “yes” or “no,” say, “I’d like to think about it, and I’ll get back to you.” Pull away from the situation, quiet your mind, and with your hands on your heart ask yourself, “Does this opportunity light up every part of my being and bring me joy?” If the answer is no, then JUST SAY NO.
Jai Maa is a touring author and enlightenment facilitator who inspires others to create their visions with no compromise. An interfaith minister and native of Polk County, she travels with her cat companions teaching others how to co-create with God and live their own version of Heaven on Earth. Jai Maa is a regular instructor at THE SELF Center in Winter Haven. More info: BreakThroughYourThreshold.com.